I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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