Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
