We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
