So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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