physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
