i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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