ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
