im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
