highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
