i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
