Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
