overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
