i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
