If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
