Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
