If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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