You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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