we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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