I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
