I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
two words: eviction party
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
