He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
