oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
