She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
