found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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