May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
