You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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