so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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