God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
