I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
