"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
