i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
North Korea, Best Korea!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
