woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
