I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
