I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
