Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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