I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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