I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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