haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
