It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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