from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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