Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
