i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
