we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
