He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
