I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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