I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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