If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
