so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
