i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
