Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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