I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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