So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
