Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
